One week ago I turned 49, it was a milestone that I was happy to make. So many ways I do not feel 49. When I care for my mom who is 80, I begin to feel my age. Matter of fact I feel even older. There is so much responsibility in her care, there are weeks like this week I look around and wonder if I am able to do it properly. I am sick with pneumonia, I spent this week in bed. My husband and kids still need me, my mom needs help too. But this week it was me that was number one. It is a spot I rarely feel, I felt guilty most of the time. I did come to realise I can not continue to help everyone at the level I have been. Something which is truly translated as someone has got to get cut down on time and effort level. Unfortunately it will be my mom. As hard as I know it will be, I have to stay well. Since surviving cancer my antibodies are not what they used to be. Any illness kicks my butt. I try to fight back, but I am just a lump of jelly on the floor. One week ago I did not think I would make it, I felt so bad.
Cancer did not kill me, it only made me stronger. I now have a more sassy sense of life, life is too short not to be happy. It is too short to pretend to have fun, life is for the living. These are all statements that are true to a cancer survivor, the only difference between us and the non survivors is we know them to be true, not just thoughts. I am grateful for the great writers out there that thought them up. I can only begin to appreciate my life each and every day.
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I think often about how simple my life was growing up. I woke up, got ready for school, went to school. When school was over, I walked home. I would eat a snack and watch 30 minutes of I Love Lucy or the Dick Van Dyke show.
The older I get the more I long for the simple life, less material goods and more life and love in my home. I want to feel free from the worldly life, and free to walk around like there is no care in the world. Today I am snowed under with paperwork, so that will not do. But I long for it.
I have decided to do a blog, not sure why only I like reading them. I have as much to say as I want to read so why not get going?
I live in small Central Texas town, less than 6,000 people. When I left my hometown my church was the same size as the town I live in now. It is very much a town where everyone knows everyone. My kids have the stability in a small town that I never did. I went to six different grade schools, three different junior highs and one high school. I learned to adapt as best as possible, but all of that confidence left when I hit this town.
So about me, married a very long time to one man and we have three kids. They are funny, smart and wonderful. I hope they are happy, but only time will tell. I have a BA in Theatre from University of Texas at Dallas. When I went there it was a two year university, you had to have 60 hours to even get in. I started at North Texas, but money ran out and I went back to the surburb of Dallas. So that is about it for me for now. Whatever else I need to say will be said later.
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kathy@brazoscowgirl.com
I am a mom of three boys, wife of one man. Together we have three dogs, many cattle, some goats and occasionally some chickens. I am a proud parent, supporter of 4-H and FFA. I am a conservative, and a homeschooling mom as well as a breast cancer survivor. I am definately politcally uncorrect, just as the Gretchen Wilson song suggests. My blog is for me to chronicle the journey of my life as well as my family.
