I picked up the Sword Again

As I write tonight, I realize how a weekend changed, last Friday night I was calm and carefree looking forward to posting videos and enjoying the time. Tony’s passing just changed my weekend overnight. I thought I would still do an entry. The weekend I hope to upload some videos for your entertainment.

As much as I would love to not talk about my mother this week has been filled with my focus on her. I know now why I am rarely emotional. My mother is a very emotional person, she can cry in an instant. When I say cry I should say bawl. It has always made my brothers uncomfortable, and I guess at some point I was. For the most part, it is just irritating, mainly because in order to solve a problem the crying really slows down the process. As I write this, I know I sound harsh, but you have to walk a mile in my shoes. My mom has cried at the drop of a hat my entire life. It lost its effect on me decades ago. Crying was the thing that I detested most; it seemed such a waste of time. I thought I was just wired different. It wasn’t until today that it dawned on me. The time spent dealing with my mom’s crying has made me rarely cry.

The oddest part about my boys is they really have never been around an emotional woman, except Granny. They don’t understand crying. When I do cry my kids panic, they know it takes a lot to get to me. Tony’s passing did that. I know it was a cumulative loss, several breast cancer survivors had passed most of which were expected. Denise Gallagher going did not help my outlook. To a survivor any survivor not finishing the battle is just a gut blow you feel it deeply. You try to push away the pain, but before you know it, another passes and it hits you harder.


There are so many I didn’t expect to pass, not really that are no longer here. As my breast cancer friends know it hits me hard, I get mad and then I get back in the fight meaner than ever. I tend to want to kill the beast at every turn. Anyone having to endure a second battle with the beast is my underdog I must rescue. I long to slay the beast once and for all. I know I won’t but it doesn’t keep me from trying each and every day. God has not finished perfecting me on this earth and I know that. Kathy or Blue Kitten as known on breastcancer.org taught me so much about the power of God and the battle with the beast. When you are ready, God calls you home.

Done finis, over well not completely over but you get the idea. From here on out I will reference my battle friends but hopefully I can take up the sword, stop my blubbering and get busy living life.

Barring someone important to me passing there will be videos full of fun and frolic Saturday. I do believe it is time for some delicious Eye Candy.

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